Tickling can be hostile, controlling thing to do to someone, particularly during sex. Most adults dislike the frustrating, powerless feeling of being tickled. The laughter of someone being tickled is easily misunderstood; it doesn’t express pleasure, but is merely a reflexive response to a peculiar kind of touching.
You have to be clear that it’s your body, which you make the rules, and that this one isn’t negotiable. Then you have to show you’re serious by refusing to continue lovemaking when you’ve been interrupted in this way.
During a nonsexual moment of closeness, ask your partner,” why do you insist on disrupting our sexual experience together, when I’ve clearly asked you not to?” and ask yourself, “why am I in a relationship with someone who repeatedly violates me? Exactly how seriously am I willing to take my own needs?”
Friday, December 12, 2008
18.I’m confused. Is massage supposed to be sexy or not?
If you’re talking about downtown massage parlors with names like The Dew Drop Inn, Kitten’s Purrfect Touch, or Candy Barr’s Boom Room, the answer is yes, they’re supposed to be sexy. For a fee, a friendly person gives you a massage and then an orgasm. This is the public side of massage.
Considering massage seriously, however, confronts us with our definitions of sexuality. Legitimate, private massage is a totally sensuous experience. We put our body in some one else’s hands letting him or her nurture us. We feel skin, muscles, and joints normally taken for granted. Our focus becomes, simply, whatever the body wants and needs.
Is this sexual? It’s not genital and there’s no orgasm. But you do bond with another person on a physical level. You breathe deeply, subordinating your thinking mind to your feeling body. You enjoy your body for its own sake, experiencing it as animals do—without any external “meaning.” We can say this isn’t sexual, but if so, how exactly do we define sex?
Considering massage seriously, however, confronts us with our definitions of sexuality. Legitimate, private massage is a totally sensuous experience. We put our body in some one else’s hands letting him or her nurture us. We feel skin, muscles, and joints normally taken for granted. Our focus becomes, simply, whatever the body wants and needs.
Is this sexual? It’s not genital and there’s no orgasm. But you do bond with another person on a physical level. You breathe deeply, subordinating your thinking mind to your feeling body. You enjoy your body for its own sake, experiencing it as animals do—without any external “meaning.” We can say this isn’t sexual, but if so, how exactly do we define sex?
17. Is it my imagination, or do some people taste different than others?
In a recent album, David Bowie gives a woman the ultimate sexual compliment: “I like the taste of your flesh.” Yes, different people taste different. The way each person tastes changes during the course of a typical day and month, too, along with the rest of our body chemistry.
This is particularly true of male ejaculate and female lubrication. Diet and general health seem to affect these the most. The semen of vegetarians, for example, is often sweeter and less salty than that of meat eaters.
Taste, of course, is partly a function of smell. This is especially true of warm, damp body areas like the genitals. Don’t be shy about asking your partner to shower or not to shower, whichever you prefer. Keep in mind that a taste (or smell) you dislike isn’t wrong, it’s just not to your liking.
This is particularly true of male ejaculate and female lubrication. Diet and general health seem to affect these the most. The semen of vegetarians, for example, is often sweeter and less salty than that of meat eaters.
Taste, of course, is partly a function of smell. This is especially true of warm, damp body areas like the genitals. Don’t be shy about asking your partner to shower or not to shower, whichever you prefer. Keep in mind that a taste (or smell) you dislike isn’t wrong, it’s just not to your liking.
16. How big should on adult penis be?
While there is no such thing as bad question, this is one question that I don’t like answering. I don’t want to support the penis envy that so many men seem to feel. Most women say that penis size matters little or not at all, and men should believe them.
Penis size is generally irrelevant because the clitoris, not the vagina, is the main female sexual organ. And penis size is no predictor of the gentle ness, skill, or sense of hum or of the owner. If there’s any male organ whose size women do care about, it’s the heart, not the hard-on.
So how big should a penis be? Small enough to fit through a doorway and big enough to find in the dark.
Penis size is generally irrelevant because the clitoris, not the vagina, is the main female sexual organ. And penis size is no predictor of the gentle ness, skill, or sense of hum or of the owner. If there’s any male organ whose size women do care about, it’s the heart, not the hard-on.
So how big should a penis be? Small enough to fit through a doorway and big enough to find in the dark.
15. How can my husband truly enjoy my body with these breasts? He says they turn him on, but I feel very self-conscious.
I’ve left out your actual breast size, because it’s irrelevant to the question. As a group, women seem to believe that breasts come in only two sizes: too big and too small.
There’s no denying that many men have distinct preferences regarding women’s breast size. But does u know what your husband’s is? And do you know what other things he likes about your breasts? This could include the way they smell, taste, or feel; or their texture, color, shape, etc. May be he likes them because they’re particularly responsive.
Or maybe he likes them because they’re attached to you. That’s not such a bad reason, is it?
There’s no denying that many men have distinct preferences regarding women’s breast size. But does u know what your husband’s is? And do you know what other things he likes about your breasts? This could include the way they smell, taste, or feel; or their texture, color, shape, etc. May be he likes them because they’re particularly responsive.
Or maybe he likes them because they’re attached to you. That’s not such a bad reason, is it?
14. Why do different people respond differently to being touched in the same way?
No one really knows. “Personal preference” is about as close as we can come to an answer, and that’s not much of an answer.
Your observation is however, accurate: Whatever the kind of touch, there are people who love it, people who hate it, and people who don’t understand all the fuss one way or the other. Examples of touch that some people love and others hate include being scratched by long fingernails; being deeply massaged; and having the toes licked, the ears kissed, the breasts bitten, and the hair pulled.
Each person’s preferences also vary according to such factors as mental state, degree of arousal, and time of month. For example, as our pain threshold increases during sexual excitement, the kind of touch we enjoy changes.
Since people are not interchangeable in their preferences, and since even individuals’ preferences change, communication ism a key factor in sexual satisfaction.
Your observation is however, accurate: Whatever the kind of touch, there are people who love it, people who hate it, and people who don’t understand all the fuss one way or the other. Examples of touch that some people love and others hate include being scratched by long fingernails; being deeply massaged; and having the toes licked, the ears kissed, the breasts bitten, and the hair pulled.
Each person’s preferences also vary according to such factors as mental state, degree of arousal, and time of month. For example, as our pain threshold increases during sexual excitement, the kind of touch we enjoy changes.
Since people are not interchangeable in their preferences, and since even individuals’ preferences change, communication ism a key factor in sexual satisfaction.
13. During oral sex, I sometimes worry that I’ll urinate and ejaculate at the same time. What can I do to prevent this?
Good news—evolution has taken care of this for you, to prevent the acid in urine from weakening your sperm. A clever valve system inside your urethra (the tube that carries both semen and urine out of your penis) allows only one of these processes to occur at a time. When you are close to ejaculating, the neck of the bladder is closed off so that urine can’t escape.
Women with this concern should see question 29.
Women with this concern should see question 29.
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